Post by southparkcpa on Nov 6, 2019 9:16:53 GMT -5
On another site, a thread was started about a bad commute. I posted the following which is really a shit story wrapped in my commute. The low lives we have on this site, im sure we have ample stories.
I had to take a dump once in Penn Station, 8am on my way to WTC downtown, I already used my subway token, waiting on the 2-3 train. Heavy drinking night before. In the 80;s, Dinkins was mayor, ALL stalls were occupied by homeless. It felt like a warm shot glass of vodka turned over in my gut. A HOT sensation in my bowels that told me I had about 3 minutes til total expulsion.
I went to Amtrak level upstairs (Conn line) where the mens room was jammed, no stalls except ONE toilet in the open, no seat, just a toilet out in the open where the stall was totally removed, no sides, no back etc. OUT in the open.
No choice... I dropped my pants in front of everyone and out came the loosest, chocolate shake texture dump ever and it wouldn't stop.
Dressed in a blue suit, white shirt, tie etc. CPA for a big 4 firm. There I was squatted over a bowl and everyone looked and simply covered their eyes. They couldn't believe what was happening.
I then realized there was no TP. I took off my tee shirt, tore it to pieces and wiped my ass.
In front of the public. YES it happened.
When I left, I realized NO ONE that was seeing me now had any idea what happened and I was another face in the crowd.
Got to my client and absolutely went in the stall and did a thorough cleaning if you know what I mean.
Went to a football game with my son who was probably 7 or so at the time. Short on time, stopped at Wendy’s for lunch before getting on the highway. As soon as we merged into traffic, I could feel the storm brewing. Gurgling and cramping the whole way to the game. After an hour and finally in the stadium, ran to the bathroom luckily there was an extra large handicap stall free. Dropped pantaloons and sprayed the bowl with a foul mix of farts and doots. It was one of those where you have to sit for 10 minutes cuz your not sure if there’s more coming. All the while my son had to stand there horrified. These are the father/son memories you never forget.
Before my colonoscopy a couple of years ago, I had to drink this vile shit inducing liquid. I drank it, and 45 minutes later it kicked in. I ran to the bathroom, knowing it was going to be a close call. I got the pants pulled down, and the drawers. Suddenly, I let loose with a violent stream of chunky chocolate milk. All over the seat. All over the floor, plus a filled bowl. It felt like I was shitting stuff that I ate 5 years ago. Here’s to the memories!!!
We took my son to a petting zoo when he was 4. We got within 20 ft of the first enclosure, he got a good whiff of animal shit and hurled. All over the sidewalk. Then barfed 3 more times in different places. I felt bad for the little guy, didn't care for the employee who had to clean up the barf.
The barf smelled nowhere near as bad as the animal shit.
Joe Namath Football camp back in the early 80s. I was like 13, 'cool kid' from somewhere down south offers me "chocolate." Of course, my naive ass didn't realize it was Ex-Lax. Let a loose fart rip just as I was getting Winston Hill's autograph, ran back the half mile to the dorms, shit dripping down my leg, turtling all the way. Laid that motherfucker out in the group scrimmage and won best DE award at the end of the week, so there was that.
Last Edit: Nov 6, 2019 19:31:49 GMT -5 by Jetworks
I have stomach obstructions, caused by the scar tissue from a nightmare emergency surgery. I can't drink fast beers and shots because the gas can't get through the A channel. After the Seahawks handed the Pats a Super Bowl, I drove home puking violently out the window, then I had to open the door, the stomach cramps were legendary I almost passed out form the pain flying down 101. I started puking on myself just to get home faster. My better half understands, but the car was totaled inside. (I had been eating bowls of Total, go figure)