This has been building in me for a while, so allow me to vent.
In the interest of disclosure, as if any of you mouth-breathing cretins would know what the word meant, I had dogs when I was a kid, big mutts, whom I adored...but their deaths devastated me. When I moved out, I never had the time to care for one and then when I got married my wife was never a dog-fan, so the subject never came up.
When the kids hinted around about a having one, I would knowingly tilt my head towards their mother and the subject got dropped. I think a small part of me wanted nothing to do with becoming attached to a dog again, as it was almost worse than losing a person, if that makes sense.
Now.
I have several friends who never had kids and dogs have replaced them in their lives. I understand that...but when I visit, I was expected to smile and rejoice as their dogs hit me as soon as I walked in the door as they barked, then sat as at my feet as I tried to eat...all the while "oh he/she never does that" as they yapped..always the subject of any conversation I tried to have. Grown men and women interrupting conversations as they spoke in a sing song voice to the dog or yelled "stop, stop, stop" over and over as the dog ignored all commands. Again "oh he/she NEVER acts like this" the repeated refrain.
I simply stopped going to these homes. Dogs are not children and I wont pretend they are.
I have two different families on my block who have those white little yapper dogs. They also have multiple kids who can walk these dogs...yet they do not. They simply open the front door and let the dog out. Yup. To Piss and shit on their.. or their adjacent neighbors laws...and chase/bark at anyone who happens to be walking by. Every fucking day.
This past weekend, I visit my kid at College and treat him and his girlfriend to lunch. We sit in the back patio area.
About 20 minutes into it...a Preppy looking broad I'll name Buffy, strides into the place with a pedigree pug type dog on a leash, gives the place a once over, then leaves. My "asshole" raydar is activated as the kids obliviously chomped away thrilled with their free meal. 3 minutes later, Buffy arrives with Brad and 'lil Cindy...all attired in the finest Vinyard Vines rags...and the fucking dog, who is all over the place straining at the leash and crazed from the smell of food.
In the corner is a table away from everyone else, ready to go. But no. Fucking Thunder-cunt demands that they clean off the table next to us...which was covered in extra plates, napkins, condiments etc. It was basically an improvised staging area for the staff. But it was in the center of the area. Important.
I'm peeking at this as my kids chatter away and the steam begins to rise. "Asshole Radar" at Defcon 9. I can see where this is going to end up and I'm fucking furious. Buffy, Brad and Cindy chirping loudly to the dog all the while.
After all...they are performing. We are to admire this perfect 'lil family scene. Attention must be paid. Fuck everyone else.
No sooner does the Buffster family sit down, than the dog is under our table. leash dragging behind...scurrying for scraps as my kids glance down and throw their legs to the side as they feel the dogs fur brushing against them.
I instantly flip. "Control your dog!!!" I yell.
Yup, I lost it.
The place goes silent. My sopne and his girlfriend freeze where they sat and stare at their plates. Buffy yells back "He only got away once!!!! RELAX". Brad goes "Its only a dog, relax, guy".
I say "Its...a restaurant". Then silence.
Now, as I anticipated...
I am the asshole. I'm the one who said something and embarrassed my kid in front of his girlfriend. Fucking great. We proceed to finish our meals with awkward small talk, pay our bill and get up to leave.
"HAVE A NICE DAY" announces Brad as we hit the door. I paused, swallowed and kept walking.
Now let me have it.