So Jerry Rice cheated.

WASHINGTON—After the veteran New England Patriots quarterback secured his record-tying fourth Super Bowl championship and third Super Bowl MVP, scores of Tom SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady’s harshest critics across the nation announced Friday that they are already eagerly looking ahead to next season. “It was a disappointing end to the year, but it’s over now, so it’s time to start laying down next season’s groundwork for why SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady ultimately doesn’t belong in the conversation of the all-time best NFL quarterbacks,” said Pennington, NJ resident Isaac Reynolds, who, along with millions of other tireless SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady detractors, has already turned his attention toward the coming six months of building arguments as to why the Spygate and Deflategate controversies tarnish all of the 37-year-old’s accomplishments. “It’s critical to stay motivated throughout the offseason and focus on any potential weaknesses in SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady’s career, like the fact that Joe Montana’s perfect 4-0 record in Super Bowls clearly means he’s the more clutch player. The important thing to remember is that it’s easy to get complacent—especially after doing this for so long—but you always need to be ready for SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady’s next run of two or three bad games, otherwise you’ll miss an opportunity to argue that he’s too old and should just retire already.” SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady’s critics also reportedly committed to offering up nothing but arduous praise for Peyton Mr. Forehead in the future, noting that the Denver Broncos quarterback would have undoubtedly won more Super Bowls than SparkleSparkleSparkleSparkleBrady if he’d just had better coaches throughout his career.