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Post by crossfire on Mar 4, 2015 0:15:05 GMT -5
As you guys know, my best friend has been battling an incurable form of brain cancer. Unfortunately, he passed away early Monday morning.
He and I have been friends since college and were in each other's wedding parties. I've known his parents, brothers and sister for a long time. He just turned 50 in November, fifteen days before I did. He's got two sons, the youngest is five and the oldest will turn nine on Sunday, the day after his father's funeral.
Anyway, I was asked tonight if I would be a pallbearer and give the eulogy. Of course, I said yes. It's a huge honor to be asked but eulogies are difficult to give. At least for me. I write well and I am very comfortable with public speaking. But I gave a eulogy about four years ago for another close friend and it's not easy. I rehearsed it over and over but there's a lot of emotion when it involves the death of somebody close to you.
Anyone else ever ever give one before? Any advice.
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Post by jetstream23 on Mar 4, 2015 0:28:33 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that cross. I know it's been a tough time for you.
Unfortunately (or fortunately I guess) I haven't had to deliver a eulogy so can't be of much help there. I'm sure you'll do well.
Again, my condolences.
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Post by Gunnails on Mar 4, 2015 2:41:11 GMT -5
Practice it 300 times and then do your best. My condolences.
Been there.
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Post by Big L on Mar 4, 2015 3:22:47 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss.
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Post by Raoul Duke on Mar 4, 2015 4:29:57 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss Cross.
RIP
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Post by Fishooked on Mar 4, 2015 6:58:15 GMT -5
Well this sucks. I wish I had something funny to say to help, but I don't at the moment.
Can't say I've ever given one, I wouldn't worry so much about getting emotional during it, it's unavoidable and completely understandable.
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Post by leftturn3 on Mar 4, 2015 6:59:13 GMT -5
So sorry to hear of the passing. I bring nothing to the table here for you, sorry. I don't think I could ever do what you have been tasked to do, I would cry worse than Brett Favre at one of his many retirement speeches. All I can say I guess is, remember his life, But don't forget to talk of his fun times breaking it up with a little laughter.
Our ur thoughts and prays are you and the family.
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Post by Trades on Mar 4, 2015 7:55:36 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss. Way to young.
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Post by LoneStarLady on Mar 4, 2015 8:17:45 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, cross.
I've never given a eulogy so can't give any concrete advice. But here's my 2 cents.
As the guys before said, it's okay to be emotional, it's a funeral ffs. I wouldn't make the eulogy too long, but would give some highlights of his life, mixing in things/traits/events about him that most people know so they recognize that and can nod "yes, that was Joe." But maybe also some things that only you or a small people know, preferably a humorous anecdote, so people can fondly think "oh I didn't know that, but yes, that sounds like Joe. What a guy."
**But I never gave a eulogy so if all that sounds stupid, feel free to ignore.
By the way, I am torn on whether you make any comments directly to his sons. It may be too emotional for them in public, and you can always tell them in private anything they need to hear. My dad died suddenly when I was 11; he fell over in the backyard one morning and was gone; no warning, no good-bye. I bring this up only because I was a mess at the wake from all the comments (well-meaning but hit me hard) and barely got through the funeral. These boys may be different than me because they did get to say good-bye, but I would still tread lightly here. You never know what phrase may affect them.
On the other hand, you may not want to ignore them, either. Maybe a "he loved his sons" or something, you know better than me.
As I said, just throwing out thoughts.
You're a great friend to him and his family. I know you'll do a great job. My thoughts are with you.
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Post by tkasper01 on Mar 4, 2015 8:28:15 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss. I know it has been a tough time for you. I did a eulogy a while back. I had a cousin tell me to practice it until I wanted to vomit and then practice 25 more times. In front of a mirror. I kind of told stories that showed the type of person he was and what things/traits were important to him. If you have AV equipment available you should use your mad skills as part of it. Not an easy task but it is a very big honor.
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Eulogies
Mar 4, 2015 8:56:06 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Bing© in Buffalo Chairman on Mar 4, 2015 8:56:06 GMT -5
Sorry Cross...that really sucks..fuck cancer...
Just be yourself...and speak foundly of him and remember it is OK to be emotional if it happens...
I know you will do well and you're a fantastic pal for doing it..
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Post by jetswin on Mar 4, 2015 10:16:38 GMT -5
Cross sorry for your loss, you were a tremendous friend to him down the stretch. I've never given a eulogy, I've written things I've asked to be read. I've always thought the best eulogies wee the ones that showed people to be regular people or related everday experiences that shaped their lives. Nothing grandiouse throughout of course finish strongly but just tell the things that made him a great human being.
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Post by rexneffect on Mar 4, 2015 10:29:12 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss.
I think LSL's advice is pretty much on point. Think about how your friend would want to be remembered and focus on talking about that with a mix of anecdotes. Don't worry about trying to fit in cliches or something more generic about life or death. If something fits then it fits but don't try to wedge something in to make the eulogy more clever than it has to be. Your goal isn't to make people feel less sad, it's to make people feel like their sadness is justified because the world lost a great guy. Talk about who and what he loved.
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Post by BushytheLobster on Mar 4, 2015 12:19:12 GMT -5
Practice it 300 times and then do your best. My condolences. Been there. Yup. Also might want to watch this. One of the great eulogies of all time. |
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Post by Peebag on Mar 4, 2015 12:50:53 GMT -5
So sorry to hear it Cross, but if you speak from the heart I'm sure you'll do just fine.
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