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Post by Big L on Feb 10, 2016 5:04:58 GMT -5
I was spooning a chick and she farted on my stomach and said, verbatim, no fucking lie: "That's how I roll." If that story is true, you could have done whatever you wanted to tha chick then, and all you'd have to say is "and that's how I roll."
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Post by Fishooked on Feb 10, 2016 6:04:41 GMT -5
if you fart in a business situation the rulebook says everyone present is supposed to just pretend it didn't happen. we were in one of the conference rooms and there were 7 of us, 4 broads and 3 guys. late morning after a bar night, so the coffee and residual whatever drunk food i ate were making a ruckus. instead of fabric the material on the seats is some weird naugahyde or faux leather crap, so occasionally just shifting in your chair generates what sounds like a beefy fart. so my stomach has the mosh pit going and i'm uncomfortable, so i shift in my chair and my pants rubbing against the seat makes the beefy fart sound. everyone glances then looks away, but because i'm forever stuck with the mentality of a tenth grader of course i have to subtly yet clearly show that it was the chair that made the fart sound, so of course i continue to act like i'm still shifting in my chair hoping that the noise will happen again and everyone will be like "oh of course, it was the chair." well the fucking chair material decides not to cooperate all of a sudden and goes silent, which only makes me start becoming more aggressive in my shifting motions rubbing my ass against the seat pretending to just be trying to get comfortable. finally i'm getting really fucking pissed/embarrassed that the fucking naugahyde is punking me, so i do like a big jerky frustrated twist of the ass on the seat. the wrenching of my stomach muscles starts the launch sequence and my poor balloon knot muscles never stood a chance -- the fucking fart sounded like the jake brake on an out of control tractor trailer. imagine the sultry humid stench. my god what have i done. sort of but not really ignoring the "pretend it didn't happen" rule, one of the guys goes "maybe now's a good time to take a 5 minute break." i sat there till they all left, but i didn't realize that one of the girls circled right back in to get her phone, just in time to see me standing over the chair animatedly pointing at the seat going "you fucking piece of shit" then kicking it yeah whatever. i still wink at her just to get the horrified wtfiswrongwithyou look Were they black jeans?
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Post by shakin on Feb 10, 2016 8:39:39 GMT -5
if you fart in a business situation the rulebook says everyone present is supposed to just pretend it didn't happen. we were in one of the conference rooms and there were 7 of us, 4 broads and 3 guys. late morning after a bar night, so the coffee and residual whatever drunk food i ate were making a ruckus. instead of fabric the material on the seats is some weird naugahyde or faux leather crap, so occasionally just shifting in your chair generates what sounds like a beefy fart. so my stomach has the mosh pit going and i'm uncomfortable, so i shift in my chair and my pants rubbing against the seat makes the beefy fart sound. everyone glances then looks away, but because i'm forever stuck with the mentality of a tenth grader of course i have to subtly yet clearly show that it was the chair that made the fart sound, so of course i continue to act like i'm still shifting in my chair hoping that the noise will happen again and everyone will be like "oh of course, it was the chair." well the fucking chair material decides not to cooperate all of a sudden and goes silent, which only makes me start becoming more aggressive in my shifting motions rubbing my ass against the seat pretending to just be trying to get comfortable. finally i'm getting really fucking pissed/embarrassed that the fucking naugahyde is punking me, so i do like a big jerky frustrated twist of the ass on the seat. the wrenching of my stomach muscles starts the launch sequence and my poor balloon knot muscles never stood a chance -- the fucking fart sounded like the jake brake on an out of control tractor trailer. imagine the sultry humid stench. my god what have i done. sort of but not really ignoring the "pretend it didn't happen" rule, one of the guys goes "maybe now's a good time to take a 5 minute break." i sat there till they all left, but i didn't realize that one of the girls circled right back in to get her phone, just in time to see me standing over the chair animatedly pointing at the seat going "you fucking piece of shit" then kicking it yeah whatever. i still wink at her just to get the horrified wtfiswrongwithyou look Were they black jeans? negative. with jeans on my azz can make that naugahyde play mozart
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Post by Chesapeakejet on Feb 12, 2016 16:31:05 GMT -5
I was spooning a chick and she farted on my stomach and said, verbatim, no fucking lie: "That's how I roll." You should have immediately gone in to "Angry Racoon" mode...
Stick your finger in her ass, quickly draw 2 shit circles around her eyes....when she gives that look of horror you get up and run out of the house, knocking over the trash on your way out....OMG! I think I hurt myself holding a belly laugh in here at work! Thanks Bing!
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Post by Chesapeakejet on Feb 12, 2016 16:31:42 GMT -5
My dad, may he rest in peace, used to be able to drop kick farts. I have yet to master that.
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Post by Bing© in Buffalo Chairman on Feb 12, 2016 16:36:37 GMT -5
My Grandfather used to rip em good...while we watched such fun shows as Hogans Heros and Match Game....
Miss him tons
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Post by Chesapeakejet on Feb 12, 2016 17:19:59 GMT -5
My Grandfather used to rip em good...while we watched such fun shows as Hogans Heros and Match Game.... Miss him tons Ah yes, Match Game host was........Gene Rayburn! Hogan's Heros was great.
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