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Post by porgyman on Feb 9, 2016 7:06:48 GMT -5
About 15 years ago, I was in the hospital with a broken ankle. Before surgery to repair, the doctor orders an MRI. As I am being loaded into the machine by the female technician, I let loose with a long cannon shot. Made all the worse by the echo, as it bounced off of the walls of the MRI chamber. I apologized to the lady, she was cool about it.
In a somewhat related note: growing up, I would visit my grandparents in the Boston area. Next door to them was a family with a young kid, around 6 or 7 years old named Ben. Ben and I would play. One day, Ben came over while I was eating lunch. I told him that I would be right outside. When I arrived, Ben had taken a dump in a lawn chair. I didn't play with Ben that day.
Don't know why I just thought about this. Ben is probably a Pasts fan.
So, share your most inappropriate flatulence moment...
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Post by Jets Things on Feb 9, 2016 7:31:00 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers.
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Post by Raoul Duke on Feb 9, 2016 7:44:09 GMT -5
I told this story before at JI, but it’s worth it.
In my late 20’s working for a telecom company. One of the secretaries was an absolute bombshell (ie: everyone would stop working when she walked by, even chicks).
Anyways I’m at the photocopying machine and she walks up and playfully jabs me in the stomach “what’s up Raoul?”. Wanting to show her that under my beer fat is a rock hard bod, I flexed my abs… The result was a huge fart.
There was no bailing. We were alone, it wasn’t the machine. It was a fart, and it was me.
That is when I pulled the most brilliant save of my career: I went all in. I’m thinking this is already embarrassing, it can’t be worse, so I said
“Since we’re already farting in front of each other, maybe we should have some drinks first”
She laughed, and accepted. We dated for a few weeks, she was totally out my league, and I didn’t have the pockets deep enough. But still, I can say I picked up a hottie by farting at her.
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Post by porgyman on Feb 9, 2016 7:49:19 GMT -5
I told this story before at JI, but it’s worth it. In my late 20’s working for a telecom company. One of the secretaries was an absolute bombshell (ie: everyone would stop working when she walked by, even chicks). Anyways I’m at the photocopying machine and she walks up and playfully jabs me in the stomach “what’s up Raoul?”. Wanting to show her that under my beer fat is a rock hard bod, I flexed my abs… The result was a huge fart. There was no bailing. We were alone, it wasn’t the machine. It was a fart, and it was me. That is when I pulled the most brilliant save of my career: I went all in. I’m thinking this is already embarrassing, it can’t be worse, so I said “Since we’re already farting in front of each other, maybe we should have some drinks first” She laughed, and accepted. We dated for a few weeks, she was totally out my league, and I didn’t have the pockets deep enough. But still, I can say I picked up a hottie by farting at her. Brilliant!
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Post by Raoul Duke on Feb 9, 2016 8:20:44 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers. It's weird though, what exactly makes a fart funny: the noise? where it comes from? the smell? And it's not something you're taught as a kid, it's in our DNA.. My 4 year cracks up everytime she farts. Why?
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Post by 32Green on Feb 9, 2016 8:47:31 GMT -5
I told this story before at JI, but it’s worth it. In my late 20’s working for a telecom company. One of the secretaries was an absolute bombshell (ie: everyone would stop working when she walked by, even chicks). Anyways I’m at the photocopying machine and she walks up and playfully jabs me in the stomach “what’s up Raoul?”. Wanting to show her that under my beer fat is a rock hard bod, I flexed my abs… The result was a huge fart. There was no bailing. We were alone, it wasn’t the machine. It was a fart, and it was me. That is when I pulled the most brilliant save of my career: I went all in. I’m thinking this is already embarrassing, it can’t be worse, so I said “Since we’re already farting in front of each other, maybe we should have some drinks first” She laughed, and accepted. We dated for a few weeks, she was totally out my league, and I didn’t have the pockets deep enough. But still, I can say I picked up a hottie by farting at her. I went all in.
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Post by Jets Things on Feb 9, 2016 9:18:28 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers. It's weird though, what exactly makes a fart funny: the noise? where it comes from? the smell? And it's not something you're taught as a kid, it's in our DNA.. My 4 year cracks up everytime she farts. Why? I got home from the dentist last night and my diaperless 2 year old jumped from the couch towards me. There was no way she was going to make it, so I quickly grabbed her before she broke an ankle. Swept her up onto my arm/perch and she uncorks a doozie of an air biscuit. Right on my arm. She starts laughing hysterically, shouting AGAIN! AGAIN! willing herself to fart on me a second time. I put her down and unbuttoned my now unwearable shirt, throwing it in the dry cleaning pile. For me, it's the sound. "Every man likes the smell of his own farts. " -Icelandic proverb
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Post by 32Green on Feb 9, 2016 9:24:13 GMT -5
It's weird though, what exactly makes a fart funny: the noise? where it comes from? the smell? And it's not something you're taught as a kid, it's in our DNA.. My 4 year cracks up everytime she farts. Why? . I put her down and unbuttoned my now unwearable shirt, throwing it in the dry cleaning pile. Can only imagine what the dry cleaning chick says when you walk out after delivering a shyte-stained dress-shirt. Probably along the lines of........ "I gotta party.... with THAT GUY".
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Post by Hotman on Feb 9, 2016 9:29:12 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers. What?! Who the heck goes to the dentist at night?! You are weird mi amigo
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Post by Hotman on Feb 9, 2016 9:33:13 GMT -5
. I put her down and unbuttoned my now unwearable shirt, throwing it in the dry cleaning pile. Can only imagine what the dry cleaning chick says when you walk out after delivering a shyte-stained dress-shirt. Probably along the lines of........ "I gotta party.... with THAT GUY". With a hole in the shheet amirite?? Lol
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2016 9:48:11 GMT -5
Years ago, I dropped a SBD on the #2 train coming back from working late in the city.
Train was crowded but not too crowded and I was standing against the doors next to a nice little black lady probably in her early fifties....you know...the kind of sweet old lady that looked like she went to church 3 times a week and never had a bad thought in her head.
Just before the doors opened on my stop I let it go knowing it was gonna be silent but not knowing just how deadly it was.
It only took a few nano seconds for the stench to reach this sweet old lady's nose....as the doors opened she turned, looked me right in the eye and uttered in soft but stern voice "That's fucking disgusting".
Not missing a beat, I smiled, looked right back and her, said "thank you" and took a backward step off the train and stood there and smiled as the doors closed. Man...that lady stared me down as long as she could as the train pulled out of the station.
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Post by jetswin on Feb 9, 2016 10:08:24 GMT -5
I told this story before at JI, but it’s worth it. In my late 20’s working for a telecom company. One of the secretaries was an absolute bombshell (ie: everyone would stop working when she walked by, even chicks). Anyways I’m at the photocopying machine and she walks up and playfully jabs me in the stomach “what’s up Raoul?”. Wanting to show her that under my beer fat is a rock hard bod, I flexed my abs… The result was a huge fart. There was no bailing. We were alone, it wasn’t the machine. It was a fart, and it was me. That is when I pulled the most brilliant save of my career: I went all in. I’m thinking this is already embarrassing, it can’t be worse, so I said “Since we’re already farting in front of each other, maybe we should have some drinks first” She laughed, and accepted. We dated for a few weeks, she was totally out my league, and I didn’t have the pockets deep enough. But still, I can say I picked up a hottie by farting at her. this belongs in some sort of handbook lol
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Post by Big L on Feb 9, 2016 10:35:15 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers. I was also at the dentist last night, with a super hot little lady cleaning away... WLF?
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Post by Jets Things on Feb 9, 2016 10:46:31 GMT -5
Farts aren't inappropriate, they're hilarious. Had to squeeze the cheeks at the dentist last night while the super cute hygienist was scrubbing my choppers. I was also at the dentist last night, with a super hot little lady cleaning away... WLF? Is your dentist in Garden City? I hadn't been in about 15 months and in order to give me a good cleaning, the hygienist pretty much opened an artery in my mouth. So much blood, but very little discomfort. She wants to see me again in three months and then every six, "to keep the bleeding to a minimum." Teeth feel great today.
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Post by Big L on Feb 9, 2016 11:17:35 GMT -5
I was also at the dentist last night, with a super hot little lady cleaning away... WLF? Is your dentist in Garden City? I hadn't been in about 15 months and in order to give me a good cleaning, the hygienist pretty much opened an artery in my mouth. So much blood, but very little discomfort. She wants to see me again in three months and then every six, "to keep the bleeding to a minimum." Teeth feel great today. Not in garden city, no. "How many times a week do you floss?" "I'm guessing the only right answer is not enough?" Little lady last last night was maybe 5' tall max. Perfect complexion and body, brown eyes, tight curly brown hair, I'd guess half Caucasian and half African American. What a stunner.
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