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Post by jetstream23 on May 7, 2016 14:51:12 GMT -5
Yeah, this thread will be a bit of a buzzkill. Feel free to ignore it if it might be a downer or bring back some bad memories. Also, this IS the Hampur so a joke or two is expected I'd just ask them to be appropriate because the news I got recently about my mother totally sucks. She's got Stage IV lung cancer (non-small cell, adenocarcinoma I believe). We are trying to stay positive but we're very realistic about what this means for her. She's in her early 70's, quit smoking about 18 years ago and had some COPD and emphesema in recent years which I believe is part of the reason why she was late catching symptoms and getting to the doctor.
Needless to see, my mind is in a fog and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions about this. I'm not even sure why I'm starting this thread because I don't have a specific question, but I think I'd like to hear any advice, suggestions, experiences, etc. from anyone who has gone through something similar. I know that several people here have been either directly or indirectly affected by cancer (our resident nurse, the tragic loss of Bing's son, and others) so I guess I'm just looking to hear the ole "If I knew then what I know now" kinda stuff about how you'd support someone in this situation, what you could do to prepare for the worst while hoping and praying for the best, etc.
A couple of other details - My mom was hospitalized for a week with pneumonia and she started on oxygen but that has actually gotten much better, she's breathing easier and sometimes doesn't even want/need the oxygen unless she's walking or doing something. After the initial diagnosis and hospitalization she was already starting to talk about hospice, declining treatment, etc. A visit from the grandkids and then feeling better after the pneumonia subsided, coupled with her first meeting with an excellent, caring and positive oncologist now has her poised to start both radiation and chemotherapy next week. She's pretty weak, has lost a ton of weight, but she's heading into treatment with a positive attitude. I'm cautiously optimistic that she can tolerate the treatment but who knows for how long. She may have one round of chemo and never want it again, especially if the doctor tells her something like the best chemo can do for her is get her a few extra weeks or a month, etc.
I hesitated starting this thread because A) this sucks and B) I know it kinda brings back some bad memories for people with similar experiences, but I thought I'd just put it out there in the hopes that I might hear even just one thing that will help me be a better son, a better caregiver, and better prepared for what happens next.
Also, it probably goes without saying but I don't want this thread tweeted, twated, titted, etc.
Appreciate you guys reading this.
PS - this sucks
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Post by Gunnails on May 7, 2016 15:12:48 GMT -5
First, get multiple opinions from different doctors. I my Mom's case we found that hospitals tend to want to treat all patients the same and willing to recommend the chemo right off the bat with no thought to her age or individual needs. Try to be her health advocate to the extent that you can.
My parents are in there mid 80's and although Dad has lost some of his,,, mental fitness he is otherwise fine, Mom has had a real rough go the last 4 years with cancer and her epilepsy, I fear we could lose her at any moment, she is a tough old bird but has taken a beating the last 4 years.
I try to see them at least once a week to visit. I've let them both know that I want what they want, even if it is not the best thing for them. I think it has helped to let them control there own destiny to the extent that they can.
Mom and Dad have taken care of there finances, will, living trust, funeral arrangements, and I have thanked them both for that many times. My in-laws on the other hand who are just a bit older have not made a will or any arrangements for assisted living, and live in denial of there age challenges, I pity what ever brother in-law has to sort through there estate.
Bottom line just spend quality time with her and support her as best as you can, and she needs a health advocate.
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Post by Raoul Duke on May 7, 2016 16:03:17 GMT -5
Sorry to hear that JS. I have no experience with this so I'll let others chime in.
My thoughts go out to you and your family.
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Post by The Tax Returns Are in Kenya on May 7, 2016 16:24:51 GMT -5
So sorry to hear this JS. My father succumbed to non small cell squamous (not quite the same but close) lung cancer a year and a half ago. It was diagnosed late despite conscientious health care. My thoughts are with you and your family
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Post by jetstream23 on May 7, 2016 16:31:33 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. Good advice, Gun! Fortunately, my parents have most of their affairs in order with a Will, Living Will, Power of Attorney that includes my father (in the case of my Mom) and then me and my sister as having the ability to make decisions and sign legal documents for her.
We're organizing a support system for her and my father. My sister in is NJ, I'm in AZ and just got back from spending over a week there. I'm heading back for more frequent, but shorter trips to go to her Chemo appointments, doctor appointments, etc.
Appreciate everyone's thoughts and prayers.
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Post by Peebag on May 7, 2016 16:51:22 GMT -5
I'll let others more knowledgeable speak but I'll just say you and your family will be in my prayers- stay strong brother
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Post by Big L on May 7, 2016 17:19:43 GMT -5
Hey JS23, what's a polar bears favorite food?
A brrrrrrrrrrrger.
Hampur joke. You're welcome.
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Post by bxjetfan on May 7, 2016 17:21:12 GMT -5
Sorry to hear this JS. I really don't know what to say. Shit like this blows.
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Post by Bing© in Buffalo Chairman on May 7, 2016 17:28:30 GMT -5
Damn man....so sorry...nutrition at this point is so important...whatever she wants to eat, but just make sure she does..most cancer patients actually can die from malnutrition, as our Son did.
Spend as much time with her as you can. Try to be positive with her.
Even thou I was in complete denial with my boy, him seeing me not giving up until the very end may had given him some hope.
Depending on how things go, and I hope and pray they do go well, but you may want to explore Hospice care for end of life. The only reason I bring it up is that people need to be comfortable at end of life. A little Morphine helps calm and relax folks. No one should ever be in pain.
Again, feel free to Pm me anytime,day or night.
I feel for you man. And yes, fuck cancer straight in the asshole.
Prayers here from Buffalo NY.
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Post by Jetworks on May 7, 2016 19:42:10 GMT -5
First off, very sorry to hear of this, JS. Gun and Bing made some excellent suggestions, so I'll just echo my agreement with what they said. As for my experience, it was very different from what Bing or you are dealing with. My cancer doesn't respond well to any treatment other than surgery, so knowing that going in kind of established my mindset for me. There was no dread of chemo/radiation as there wouldn't be any, and I was fairly confident the surgery would go well. If it didn't, I had already resigned myself to racking up enormous amounts of debt and enjoying myself. So, maybe that's the one thing I would suggest, do some bucket list type of stuff for her, surprise her with it if at all possible.
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Post by crossfire on May 7, 2016 20:11:02 GMT -5
Fuck cancer.
I have dealt with too many people I know having it. I lost one of my best friends to cancer when I was 17. Lost another very good friend in 2011. Then just recently lost my best friend to cancer in March of 2015.
My mother had 2 sisters and both got cancer. One is a nun and she got breats cancer. Fortunately she has been in remission for years. Then her other sister got diagnosed last year... about 2 months after she lost her husband.
Yeah, this sounds like a downer and of course it is. But this is the one I think fits best. She got the diagnosis of lung and brain cancer and immediately gave up. I think the recent loss of her husband just kicked her ass.
But it took her a while and she decided to fight.
Yeah, I know that fighting alone isn't everything but I really think it helps. Positive thoughts and a reason to live. Try to keep her attitude positive. Keep family around her. I have strong faith and when the good Lord calls your number, there's not anything you can do. But I think feeling a lot of love is very important.
Not much more I can say but I'll say a prayer for your Mom, you and your family. Good luck my friend!
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Post by 32Green on May 7, 2016 21:48:28 GMT -5
Yeah, this thread will be a bit of a buzzkill. Feel free to ignore it if it might be a downer or bring back some bad memories. Also, this IS the Hampur so a joke or two is expected I'd just ask them to be appropriate because the news I got recently about my mother totally sucks. She's got Stage IV lung cancer (non-small cell, adenocarcinoma I believe). We are trying to stay positive but we're very realistic about what this means for her. She's in her early 70's, quit smoking about 18 years ago and had some COPD and emphesema in recent years which I believe is part of the reason why she was late catching symptoms and getting to the doctor. Needless to see, my mind is in a fog and I'm feeling all sorts of emotions about this. I'm not even sure why I'm starting this thread because I don't have a specific question, but I think I'd like to hear any advice, suggestions, experiences, etc. from anyone who has gone through something similar. I know that several people here have been either directly or indirectly affected by cancer (our resident nurse, the tragic loss of Bing's son, and others) so I guess I'm just looking to hear the ole "If I knew then what I know now" kinda stuff about how you'd support someone in this situation, what you could do to prepare for the worst while hoping and praying for the best, etc. A couple of other details - My mom was hospitalized for a week with pneumonia and she started on oxygen but that has actually gotten much better, she's breathing easier and sometimes doesn't even want/need the oxygen unless she's walking or doing something. After the initial diagnosis and hospitalization she was already starting to talk about hospice, declining treatment, etc. A visit from the grandkids and then feeling better after the pneumonia subsided, coupled with her first meeting with an excellent, caring and positive oncologist now has her poised to start both radiation and chemotherapy next week. She's pretty weak, has lost a ton of weight, but she's heading into treatment with a positive attitude. I'm cautiously optimistic that she can tolerate the treatment but who knows for how long. She may have one round of chemo and never want it again, especially if the doctor tells her something like the best chemo can do for her is get her a few extra weeks or a month, etc. I hesitated starting this thread because A) this sucks and B) I know it kinda brings back some bad memories for people with similar experiences, but I thought I'd just put it out there in the hopes that I might hear even just one thing that will help me be a better son, a better caregiver, and better prepared for what happens next. Also, it probably goes without saying but I don't want this thread tweeted, twated, titted, etc. Appreciate you guys reading this. PS - this sucks Prayers and best wishes, bro. Having been through this numerous times with my parents and inlaws..all I can say is..dont let them torture her with procedures past a certain point. Recognizing that point is not easy. God bless, man.
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Post by DDNYjets on May 7, 2016 22:39:16 GMT -5
After reading this I am going to hug my mom a little tighter and a little longer tomorrow. Really puts things into perspective. I can't imagine what you are going through but I am sure your mother feels loved and knows she has the support of her entire family behind her. Just gotta try to stay positive and enjoy every moment with your family.
Fuck Cancer.
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Post by RobR on May 7, 2016 23:03:44 GMT -5
I'm wishing you and your family the best of luck during these trying times. I think most of us, unfortunately, have been there and can sympathize for what you are going through as well as your Mother.
Sadly cancer claims way too many lives and seems to be on the increase year after year in the US. My close friend from HS just lost his 11 year old daughter after a long and arduous battle. I'll say a little prayer tonight for your Mom.
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Post by Big L on May 8, 2016 6:29:37 GMT -5
On a serious note, sorry to hear of your troubles, JS. I haven't had the experiences with cancer that some of you have. I have some immediate and not so immediate family members get cancer, but caught early enough where surgery and cemo worked. Latest was throat cancer in my step mother. 50 year smoker. Quit smoking too late, which was the day she got the cancer diagnosis. Doctors had to remove a portion of her throat. Anyway, wishing you and your family well and hoping for a positive outcome. Good luck.
And one last Hampur asshattery-
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cancer.
Fuck off, no soliciting.
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