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Post by Sonny Werblin on Jan 18, 2021 15:32:35 GMT -5
Totally knew my 19 year old sopne was smoking pot. He denied it. But, c'mon. Everyone I knew smoked pot when I was much younger than 19. Personally, I was more of a drinker. It was plenty easy to drink underage in the 80s and the police never did more than tell you to keep the noise down at the house party or tell you to go home. I smoked pot on a handful of occasions, but never really was much into it. While I could tell my kid was smoking, it didn't seem like he was obsessed with smoking pot. So, I was not giving it a whole lot of thought.
Fast forward to today. My wife goes through his draws and finds some pot and paraphernalia. She is absolutely freaking out about it. Feels we failed as parents, yada yada yada ... and wants to turn him into the police or send him to counseling.
How in the world could we have such divergent views on this? I imagine the solution is somewhere between how my wife and I feel about this. Anyway, I was curious as to anyone's thoughts on this, or if they had to deal with a similar situation themselves.
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Post by Big L on Jan 18, 2021 15:51:09 GMT -5
Well you’ve certainly come to the right place for advice.
Have not had to deal with your situation. But it’s legal in many states now, possibly yours. IMO it’s a fairly harmless drug, but I’ve seen it snuff out life motivation in a couple people. Now they’re just happy to work at Staples and smoke their weed and now in their early 50s.
I don’t think police or counseling is a good idea. More harm than good. But a conversation about being careful with drugs and moderation, etc , probably wouldn’t hurt. At least would show sopne you guys care about him. Not saying you didn’t before, but would just reaffirm.
My $0.02.
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Post by quantum on Jan 18, 2021 15:55:05 GMT -5
What are your house rules on this and does your son know them?
if you asked him point blank and he lied to you, that's bad also.
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Post by 32Green on Jan 18, 2021 16:00:53 GMT -5
My guy is soon to be 24. I had pretty good suspicions that him and his pals (who were all good kids/students) were vaping it and doing whatever drinking they could get away with senior year and then into College. While we emphasized safety/responsibility, we never really busted his chops as long as he fulfilled his schooling obligations. We sort of thought that if we were draconian, we would push him the other way. Instead we emphasized trust and responsibility. He made it through college fine, still has great pals and a job.
Conversely, he had friends whose parents were very strict and some of these kids flamed out in college because they didnt know how to moderate and were totally inexperienced. Ironically, tough parenting put them at a disadvantage in a weird way.
So yeah, we willfully didnt clamp down and took a leap of faith he would get it out of his system. Reality is, at 19 your guy is soon to be out on his own anyway. As long as he isnt blowing school or getting arrested, its totally normal behavior (yes, all the kids are doing it) whether we like it or not.
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Post by Sonny Werblin on Jan 18, 2021 16:04:13 GMT -5
What are your house rules on this and does your son know them? if you asked him point blank and he lied to you, that's bad also. We asked. He lied. But, I think it was because he rightfully feared his mom would go apeshit. It doesn't make the lie Ok. I just understand the immature motivation behind the lie. |
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Post by Sonny Werblin on Jan 18, 2021 16:09:43 GMT -5
My guy is soon to be 24. I had pretty good suspicions that him and his pals (who were all good kids/students) were vaping it and doing whatever drinking they could get away with senior year and then into College. While we emphasized safety/responsibility, we never really busted his chops as long as he fulfilled his schooling obligations. We sort of thought that if we were draconian, we would push him the other way. Instead we emphasized trust and responsibility. He made it through college fine, still has great pals and a job. Conversely, he had friends whose parents were very strict and some of these kids flamed out in college because they didnt know how to moderate and were totally inexperienced. Ironically, tough parenting put them at a disadvantage in a weird way. So yeah, we willfully didnt clamp down and took a leap of faith he would get it out of his system. Reality is, at 19 your guy is soon to be out on his own anyway. As long as he isnt blowing school or getting arrested, its totally normal behavior (yes, all the kids are doing it) whether we like it or not. I feel about the same way as you do. But, I don't think I can get my wife on board. My biggest concern is that he is obviously smoking outside of the house and/or in his car. If a cop smells the pot, and they will, it's probable cause. And if they give him a THC test, it is a DUI. As I understand it, if you smoke pot on Monday, you'll get a THC DUI for several days. Just learned the threshold for THC is 1ng/ml in the blood and it stays in your system for 3 days! |
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Post by 32Green on Jan 18, 2021 16:18:46 GMT -5
My guy is soon to be 24. I had pretty good suspicions that him and his pals (who were all good kids/students) were vaping it and doing whatever drinking they could get away with senior year and then into College. While we emphasized safety/responsibility, we never really busted his chops as long as he fulfilled his schooling obligations. We sort of thought that if we were draconian, we would push him the other way. Instead we emphasized trust and responsibility. He made it through college fine, still has great pals and a job. Conversely, he had friends whose parents were very strict and some of these kids flamed out in college because they didnt know how to moderate and were totally inexperienced. Ironically, tough parenting put them at a disadvantage in a weird way. So yeah, we willfully didnt clamp down and took a leap of faith he would get it out of his system. Reality is, at 19 your guy is soon to be out on his own anyway. As long as he isnt blowing school or getting arrested, its totally normal behavior (yes, all the kids are doing it) whether we like it or not. I feel about the same way as you do. But, I don't think I can get my wife on board. My biggest concern is that he is obviously smoking outside of the house and/or in his car. If a cop smells the pot, and they will, it's probable cause. And if they give him a THC test, it is a DUI. As I understand it, if you smoke pot on Monday, you'll get a THC DUI for several days. Those are valid concerns. At this point, just have an honest dialogue about this. I think going postal will just ensure he lies more/hides better and feels he cant be honest. Obviously he lied once already because of fear. You want to keep the dialogue open. At that age they are still virtually children even though they look like men. |
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Post by shakin on Jan 18, 2021 16:51:52 GMT -5
do NOT go to the cops. that is fucking absurd as a parent. keep your kid as far away from that "system" as humanly possible. this world ain't mayberry anymore, your kid gets a label with them, NOTHING good comes out of it.
i have confiscated pot from my older son. i blaze it now and then in my woodshop with the one-hitter i also confiscated from him.
he no longer smokes.
the circle is complete.
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Post by Hotman on Jan 18, 2021 17:19:09 GMT -5
Wtf in the world?! She wants to turn him into the cops?! For weed?!?!
That is a TERRIBLE IDEA
How can anyone even have that stance on the herb ffs. Its a natural healing plant. And isn't it legal in ur state?! In mine they will still arrest you (and ruin your life) which is flat bs, but moms should join some cannabis groups on social medias and get some real first hand info on the stuff. It saves lives. She's been lied to all her life. Not her fault but she needs to research if she's considering turning her own almost 20yo sopne into the cops. This is NOT meth, Coke, or even oxys or something. But if you want, the cops can treat it as such, no problem, and you can send him Ramen money every month for a while.
This bottles my mind a mom would wanna do that esp with it being legal recreational in so many states. I'd only be concerned if he smoking shwag or anything with seeds and stems. And tbh he's better off puffin than drinkin
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Post by Hotman on Jan 18, 2021 17:23:14 GMT -5
do NOT go to the cops. that is fucking absurd as a parent. keep your kid as far away from that "system" as humanly possible. this world ain't mayberry anymore, your kid gets a label with them, NOTHING good comes out of it. i have confiscated pot from my older son. i blaze it now and then in my woodshop with the one-hitter i also confiscated from him. he no longer smokes. the circle is complete. They'll probably turn it around and try to charge the entire family with all kinds of bullshit, strip 4A rights, and try to civil asset seize any fun stuff that catches their eye. They are not there to help you. Maybe at one time in an extinct past they were, but those days are long gone. |
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Post by vonrotten on Jan 18, 2021 17:38:16 GMT -5
I gotta agree with the advice already given. Ive smoked and eaten it since I was in my teens with a break in my 20s and I turned out fine (well except for my choice of football teams, but that was pre-pot). Oh and my choice to hang out here. IMO he is better off smoking than drinking.
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Post by Ff2 on Jan 18, 2021 17:50:34 GMT -5
My guy is soon to be 24. I had pretty good suspicions that him and his pals (who were all good kids/students) were vaping it and doing whatever drinking they could get away with senior year and then into College. While we emphasized safety/responsibility, we never really busted his chops as long as he fulfilled his schooling obligations. We sort of thought that if we were draconian, we would push him the other way. Instead we emphasized trust and responsibility. He made it through college fine, still has great pals and a job. Conversely, he had friends whose parents were very strict and some of these kids flamed out in college because they didnt know how to moderate and were totally inexperienced. Ironically, tough parenting put them at a disadvantage in a weird way. So yeah, we willfully didnt clamp down and took a leap of faith he would get it out of his system. Reality is, at 19 your guy is soon to be out on his own anyway. As long as he isnt blowing school or getting arrested, its totally normal behavior (yes, all the kids are doing it) whether we like it or not. Echoing this... Frankly I'd be surprised if a kid DIDN'T try weed. I was honest. Told her I did it back in the day (didn't mention how much) and also told her as with any chemical in your body, its not healthy and there are consequences. TBH alcohol scared me much more with kids anyway. If you've done your job and the kid is your average teenager, then I don't think you have a worry. I saw weed take down kids who were already on a bad path. Just totally take away any ambition whatsoever. Basically is he using it to party on weekends or his he smoking it do get through the day? To me that's important. One thing I would ask is what are your state laws? Make sure he knows what amounts raise him up to intent to distribute. I know a really bright kid who decided he would buy a large amount. Got caught in his dorm and kicked out of top Ivy League school. One of those dumb smart kids. |
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Post by Hotman on Jan 18, 2021 18:13:22 GMT -5
My guy is soon to be 24. I had pretty good suspicions that him and his pals (who were all good kids/students) were vaping it and doing whatever drinking they could get away with senior year and then into College. While we emphasized safety/responsibility, we never really busted his chops as long as he fulfilled his schooling obligations. We sort of thought that if we were draconian, we would push him the other way. Instead we emphasized trust and responsibility. He made it through college fine, still has great pals and a job. Conversely, he had friends whose parents were very strict and some of these kids flamed out in college because they didnt know how to moderate and were totally inexperienced. Ironically, tough parenting put them at a disadvantage in a weird way. So yeah, we willfully didnt clamp down and took a leap of faith he would get it out of his system. Reality is, at 19 your guy is soon to be out on his own anyway. As long as he isnt blowing school or getting arrested, its totally normal behavior (yes, all the kids are doing it) whether we like it or not. Echoing this... Frankly I'd be surprised if a kid DIDN'T try weed. I was honest. Told her I did it back in the day (didn't mention how much) and also told her as with any chemical in your body, its not healthy and there are consequences. TBH alcohol scared me much more with kids anyway. If you've done your job and the kid is your average teenager, then I don't think you have a worry. I saw weed take down kids who were already on a bad path. Just totally take away any ambition whatsoever. Basically is he using it to party on weekends or his he smoking it do get through the day? To me that's important. One thing I would ask is what are your state laws? Make sure he knows what amounts raise him up to intent to distribute. I know a really bright kid who decided he would buy a large amount. Got caught in his dorm and kicked out of top Ivy League school. One of those dumb smart kids. Who gets kicked out of Hahvahd these days?! Must had not been woke enough |
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Post by DDNYjets on Jan 18, 2021 18:45:18 GMT -5
You are not failures. Not even close. I would just be honest with him. Let him know that you know. And you will be paying attention to see if it had adverse effects on him. As long as he isnt getting into trouble and making his grades then I dont see a need to come down too hard on him.
One thing I will say is the weed they have access today isnt the stuff you or I smoked. Some of this shit is pretty strong. I stopped a long time ago. Cant handle it anymore. And I wouldnt be surprised if we start to see the pendulum start swinging the other way in the next ten years. But that is a discussion for a different section.
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Post by Sonny Werblin on Jan 18, 2021 18:56:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. You’ve all been helpful, and the kick in the ass is that it’s not surprising. Salt of the earth types populate the Hampur. There is a bus load of wisdom here.
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